The Colbert Report/Episode/498
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro Things That Change the Climate in Dr. Colbert * Shout Out to his college acting teacher * It's cold in the city ** while waiting in line, some members of the mob had their genitals fell off like graham crackers * partly angry with a chance of rage * something got Dr. Colbert's Irish up, but that usually happens in the morning * Iranians were burning pictures of Obama * Mahmoud Ahme-Dontyouwishyourgirlfriendwashotlikeme-nejad * schoolchild essay winner "Death To America: What it means to me" Dr. Colbert Is Not An Apologist For Obama * is he really qualified * is he really American * where was he the night Vince Foster died? But, the market has spoken * Obama can sell crap ** worthless crap * Obama coins are not approved, endorsed sponsored or authorized by the U.S. government, meaning they're worth more than real money * Obama may never be a great president, he is however a great marketing tool * pundit, entrepreneur and Black Republican, P.K. Winsome ** also president of PK Winsom's Finishing Camp for Talented Young Ladies * he's proud ** the Chinese character for "proud" is the same as the one for "opportunity" * breaking down barriers takes energy ** offers commemorative Obama "Yes We Can of Energy Drink" ** 100% real pomegranate artificial flavoring * Dr. Colbert says one sip makes him feel like he's in a flavor lab in the Mediterranean (and alive)! * you crash quickly and can't give blood for a month * it is the dream MLK dreamed of ** enjoy PK's butter substitute: Obamargarine * Dr. King would be proud * commemorative egg timer is free at last (if you order now) ** it has family heirloom written all over it (on the back) * "Dreams from My Father" ** Chapter One: "Well-Endowed Naked Lady Riding A Lion" ** although PK's father is gone, his dream lives on; $19.95 * people say Dr. Colbert is white, because he watches Antiques Roadshow * white people can take advantage of these opportunities without seeming racist * Obama is the greatest African-American marketing opportunity since the Thurgood Marshall Grill ** not just Thurgood, they're Thur-great * Dr. Colbert's humble tribute to Obama * The Colbert Mint presents: this Historical Collectables of History Collection ** Zenith of Change *** depicting the inauguration of Barack Obama as viewed on a Zenith television by Stephen Colbert *** richly detailed *** machine-colored plate *** inscribed with touching message: "NOT FOR USE IN MICROWAVE" * available for a limited time only ** once people stop placing orders, they will be ground into pumice stones and sold to a Korean nail salon * A Plate You Can Believe In * finest quality ceramic ** a Barack Obama commemorative plate being admired by Stephen Colbert hand-painted onto an old John F. Kennedy collectable plate that was originally worth over $100 (before it was painted over) * heirloom quality dish * Guaranteed to change in value * You'll never forget where you were when your credit card was charged in full Size Matters * we are on the verge on so many devastating crisis ** we may run out * some see the glass as half full, others see it as half empty ** either way it's urine and you'd drink it if you were in the desert * little Victories ** lying back in a field looking at the stars ** take stock ** realize how significant Stephen is * Milky Way, America's Galaxy ** smaller than the Andromeda Galaxy * compensate by saying how big our dipper is * our galaxy has 50 more mass than previously thought * Andromeda is so tiny, Stephen has observed nebulas with greater H2 regions * the Milky Way has a black hole at the center; Andromeda is just a plain asshole * Andromeda's apparent magnitude is 4.4, but its losertude is a perfect 10 * insults will burn in 2.5 million years ** Dr. Colbert awaits the response from Andromeda Interview * Alan Khazei founder and CEO of Be the Change, Inc. * all Americans should do their part to make this country better, Dr. Colbert can't do it all himself * Stephen is reasonable ** Be The Change, calling for MLK Day a day of national service * why should anyone do something for someone else without getting paid for it * what's the upside? * Dr. Colbert pays taxes ** and he gives and gives every night * we are facing tremendous problems, if everyone works for free, the economy will damaged * many organization agree * 17-24 year olds to give a year full time ** calling them to a volunteer nice draft * there's no cash in it * MLK also said "Follow the money" ** and "I've got my mind on my money and my money on my mind" * MLK was fighting against people for working for no pay * America was built on national service, which is not true ** people who had a tea fetish ** America was built on an Indian Burial Ground * citizens have lead for change in this country * What young people get out of it: ** discover full potential ** help young, seniors ** help Katrina victims ** earn college scholarship * he supports Our President * Dr. Colbert signed a Declaration of Service (Eugene Krubnik) * www.servicenation.org Epilogue * Dr. Colbert asks everyone to remember that his commemorative plates are still available ** if you order in the next 30 minutes, you get not one, but two sets billed to your credit card Gallery Image:PKWinsom1-14-2009.jpg Image:YesWeCanEnergyDrink.jpg Image:Obamargarine.jpg Image:EggTimer.jpg Image:DreamsFromMyFather.jpg Image:StephenPKConsole1-14-2009.jpg Image:StephenPKHighFive1-14-2009.jpg Image:TheColbertMint.jpg Image:ZenithOfChange.jpg Image:PlateYouCanBelieveIn.jpg Image:PumiceKoreanNailSalon.jpg Image:OrderNow.jpg Image:IntroAlanKhazei1-14-2009.jpg Image:AlanKhazei1-14-2009.jpg Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments